Would you be believing your surely agogged optical organs, yours, in demand as always, truly had attended an audition for a starring role in a TV talent spectacular and had been waiting my turn for what felt like 3, possibly, 4 days when I suddenly turned my head to continue my count of the rather aged,   nay!  shabby, and definitely a contributing factor to the decor disaster-ed lounge, tiles and had almost been hypnotised into un-returnable trance from counting the ocean of dots  Twice! on the, never a surely in fashion rainbow of conflicting shades, floor covering, strictly within my optical parameter I add, as I was rendered numb from my head down due to not having moved for what felt like an eon of an age and to top it all I endured a number of tangible waste, yet strategically placed, gum, disasters.

Oh! yes I fear have succumbed to a rather sarcastic tone as I am soon displeased when a Star of my calibre has to sit among the mainly non too talented, and often not a chance, wannabees.    Well!  these two wannabees you witness above did wannabee far too publicly familiar for yours, discomforted, truly and did partake in a little canoodling to pass the, yes admittedly tedious, time.   Well I felt I had to speak to the canine -kitty contortion combo on behalf of other discomforted parties and did tactfully suggest to them that perhaps they might prefer to partake in a communal game of I spy with my optical organ or such other verbal sport.    

To be perfectly blunt I felt there were a multitude of public interest issues afoot here, why! I feared that over active motion on the 'place de pet performance' might result in any number of consequential disasters.  To name a few, what if the covering was not of the fatigue type for resisting active combat it could result in an unsightly and uneven distribution of nap pile therefore exposing underlying warp threads that have been know to entangle inquisitive or careless fingers resulting in loss of blood coursing its rightful path wreaking consequential health hazards from a mildly tingling pin type predicament to permant gangrenous loss of the diminutive digit-y limb.

To mention in passing another potential catastrophe, tis common knowledge that pets wreak widespread devastation with their messy molt resulting in a number of 'black clad' and other garb disasters, why I have known people to live entirely in pastels purely for fear of such hair havoc and I assure you peach, mint and lemon can be unfriendly to all but a limited number of complexions.  Yes the friction fest this perpetrating pair are partaking in could result in a full bodied near permanent covering for a fleece fashionista and let us not be forgetting it could take days to pluck the affected soft furnishings clean were it not for the, and I do believe yours, once a victim, truly did invent, the scoop all in its path, adhesive mitt,  yes on one un-fortuitous occasion after a visiting pet did leave my home furnishings awash with shedded debris, which the garnering of did cause such misery that I cried to the Universe for an end to this infernal hell and lo and behold back came the benevolent spiritual response, ‘the sticky mitt! was created.   Well without delay I found the. soon to be my saviour, sticky roll then spent an interminable time gratingly scraping my regular dentistry about its surface to find the apparently elusive end and on success I could not mitt up fast enough.

I bound my, soon to be hair harvesting, hands with, it must be said, rather a lot of difficulty but well suffice to say I eventually spent a successful and not too lengthy time gathering all in my path and wake.  I then did kindly ask of my universal benefactor for the means of mitt removal, but my pleas apparently went unheard for a quite, an uncomfortable, length of time, but anyway I have digressed for long enough and I could relate any number of consequential disasters from such horrific hair incidents but I leave you now in the knowledge that the highly effective suggestion of verbal sport did solve the problem as yours, conniving, truly, did have them partake in the smashing game of Simon sez and Simon did hastily tell them to stand up but oooops! conveniently forgot to tell them to sit down again.

So I now bid you good-day from yours, a genius-stroke-hero, truly,