Ohhhh! as I wander down ponder path looking at this seemingly innocent picture, mixed emotional turmoil of horror and guilt is stirred and does brings an embarressed quiver about my person, read on as the tale doth unfold all will become apparent.

I was on my way to a photographic shoot, yes another fortunate commercial enterprise was about to enjoy the highly coveted benefit of yours, the exceptionally handsome and talented Star, truly, to endorse and enhance by mucho kerchingo, their product, what delightful, or not, product it was had not been disclosed but they had offered a reasonably enticing fiscal exchange, when I chanced upon this delightful duo and did note, therefore with apparent indifferent intent did shimmy closer to admirably inspect, the rather fetching footwear.

I tend to keep abreast of fashionable modes and do non too modestly, well if you’ve got it flaunt it, consider my good-self a style icon to the fashionably challenged  fashionista  wannabe’s therefore the aforementioned shimmy-towards could prove a benefit to both yours, ever ready to assist, truly and the sporter of the intriguing booties as I might discover a new source or inspiration whilst simultaneously perhaps offering a surely much appreciated style tip such as, wear the laces to the right on Tuesdays, left on Wednesday whilst on Thursday wel!l be-done with a-la mode rules and create your own, well I could impart an endless repertoire of tips, why! only the other day I did attire a close acquaintance in thronged footwear and tabard type attire inspired by an interesting article on t’internet but I digress so on with the tale.

I found myself uncontrollably drawn from the original intended mission of inquisitive admiration to, part uncontrollable horror, part fascination, at the at first glance rather smashing little pet, yes a cute little creature of diminutive stature and I was just about to impart to the owner how adorable said pet was and indeed make amiable banter in the form of why with such a lithe and fashionable look and accessory type pet you must be non less than a mere celeb or even super Star and would subsequently try to hazard a complementary or blunder-some guess as to which personage of note they might possibly be, this would, I assumed, place the recipient of the banter bestowed pleasantry in a favourable mood.

Well horror of all horrors all I did note the conniving but passing as cute canine had, would you believe, no noticeable face,       I stared,     I endeavoured in ernest not to but I stared,   again I endeavored not to but I continued to stare  and I felt a cad and I did, in my freaked, and embarrassed at my own reactive state, start to ramble to the imperfect, (that matters why? you shallow cad) pets owner.

“Why you have smashing calves you must be mighty proud of those, (don’t look at the pet)  all lithe like a catwalk supermodelly type, I do admire a fine pair of lean calves (don’t look at the pet)  not those large over muscular types like  that old King Henry chap, you know the fickle one, bit of a lad and a cad, (don’t look at the pet) always getting married, well they didn’t have much else to do in those days, except eat, yes always eating, well not the poor they starved yes nothing else to do but starve, nothings changed I guess, (don’t look at the pet), you know the one who was a bit of a braggart about his, much too muscular for my taste, calves by all accounts, lo behold any body with finer I bet read that years ago, stuck in my mind, can't look at calves any more without thinking of Old Henry, related to the Queen you know, hope she didn`t inherit his calves, fascintating learning isn`t it, Why only yesterday I learned, on t'interweb mind, yes you know that accursed addictive tinterweb that a donkey's optical organs are positioned such that it enables it to see all four feet at all times, shame it hasn`t admirable calves could have been a huge benefit, for what purpose it needs to keep an optical on simulateanous foot watch it did not disclose, you know I also became educated to fact that the DNA of Cheetahs are so identical that the skin from one can be grafted into another without any rejection by the body, why! again, my attention was diverted away so i am none the wise as to the reason for this bizarre practise."

(Stop all this incessant rant about fortunate pets LemMe -yes! change the subject matter in an instant without suspicion)

"Why did you or your fine pet know that the word “Almost" is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order yes I learned that yesterday (don’t look at the pet) and do you know what else that accursed t'internet did it lured me into the addictive world of home and secret wagering as I succumbed to three games of online bingo, none will be the wise I thought but thankfully after not winning the promised jackpot by the third attempt I am cured of that completely"  Why LemMe you buffoon, you never stopped ranting tis clearly apparent to all, you are in a state of embarrassed distress (don’t look at the pet) 

"why your pet is disadvantaged, it has no face, it would get lost if not on its leash and why it would not know it was lost  and could not smell (well yes I am sure it does occasionally smell when it walks inadvertently into the path of perhaps its own droppings as it would not know where it has been deposited such droppings therefore might stumble into them, yes, its feasible) its path homeward bound and it might wander into the path of a waiting savage and larger feral predatory beast or worse a tram,why I am overcome with empathy for your pet and now I an overcome with guilt that I did feel the need to feel empathy and I just want to partake in a hug of his person, but I would still want to partake in such hug, even if he was not devoid of facial character, but not merely because he would then be too cute and therefore implying I would not want to hug him if he lacked such cuteness, no! I wish to hug him simply because he his a pet, yes all pets are fit to be hugged, except the ones who do challenge me competitively for entertaing roles, why I declare I am fatigued by such incessant  unrelenting ranting and feel iIshould hot foot it before I further put the proverbial foot in it, oh fiddlesticks it was feet that started this fumbling fiasco.