Good day my fine friends, today’s picture will no doubt render you helpless, hapless and hopeless and have you casting appalling aspersions and entire blame for evidenced disarray nay! total wreckage of such an object of both practical and comforting aid, on to on yours, totally innocent and a tad furious, truly's shoulders, as yes, as you can see tis a puppy-eyes related tale. 

How can I lend credence to this statement?  I hear you demand, well as surely as I can guarantee a fish or other sea meat are definitely waterproof or that Oompa loompas appeared to be the first to sport, therefore were the forerunners, of the crazy fad of orange -tan and should be brought to task and perhaps flogged for causing such an epidemic affliction on innocent bystanders and because pups come into this world with an unnatural power to render a considerable amount of the goodly public, the remaining falling prey to bewitchery by kittah, nonchalant to puppy practices that would normally carry constitutional,  statutory  or other liability and penalities depending on your geographical whereabouts, if practised by a person perpetrator, any remaining portion of the public not affected by either of these oooooh I’m soooo cute types would no doubt be a genuine wastrel or cad and perhaps you should be contacting an officer of the law or making a citizens arrest if you chance upon any such immune, under a public interest and crime prevention act.

Yes what other species could either in apparent want of fodder or for reckless recreational entertainment, consume or destroy any number of articles from an exhaustive list including one bed  base, and for deserts the mattress (yes tis true I swear) mobile phones, I state this under oath, any motley assortment of footwear, curtains, doors, garbage can contents, (why I might try this myself sometime there must be some pleasure to be derived from nesting ones nose in its noxious contents given the number I have seen foraged through and dispersed about by said fiends, power cables, plush and decorative pieces, why anything as there is nothing that is of earthly origin beyond assault, yet apparantly said assualt is beyond reproach.

Therefore I impart to you that if you wish to embark with gratuitous license on a life of petty or any degree of crime or merely want to diffuse many a daily circumstance such as potential onslaught of fisticuffs over a parking position or any other such will-sapping exercise necessary to battle you through the day I strongly suggest you

1. accessorise your self with such a pup so you may freely meander about or run amok either diffusing or perpetrating random acts and quite simply say I’m so sorry twas my pup and thrust said dupe up, with never failing optical pools of some force stronger than that of Star wars,acclaim, into said combatants or victims vision.

2. If tis not practical or tis too expensive to partake in a port-a-proper-pup-practise simply port a picture nay an assorted bundle of such pictures to whip out as a defence or to diffuse any situation.

Well my friends whatever your verdict as to whom in the evidenced picture is the culpable party, tis true that every cloud has a silver lining, as from the pondering on such practises by typecast pets I have had the vision for a lucrative entrepreneurial pet product venture. why tis clear such creatures clearly disinterested in, clealry not such luscious, meaty chicken or offal chunks and readly desire, to the point of almost criminal result, to feast on crusty, crunchy combos of anything of wearable, furnishable, waste or technology origin, yes my first recipe is a gourmet concoction of crustedchunks of sweat laden socks, with indiscernible nuggets of trash, and chewy yet tender pieces of restroom roll all lusciously moist due to a good long soak in the fountain of lavatory water.

Well I have to state that if neither of said genre of animal mentioned in this rant do render you into said hapless etc state I put you to the test to see if you are either of Vulcan origin or borderline sociopath, yes if you click these links and if this aged pet with only 50% of its optical powers still intact and its cuteness long faded yet still managing to tug the toughest  heart strings or this liitle tale of puppish love do not curry up some favourably emotive instinct from your then surely stony heart I suggest in the aforementioned public interest and crime prevention you give yourself up to the nearest branch of law enforcement as tis sure such lack of emotion is an early sign of a wastral type.