Good day to you my fine friends, today as usual this picture comes with a public health warning and from my companions confounded countenance you had best take heed, this could be well be you.  Well no! you will not be transformed into an admirably agile, tree climbing, fruit foraging, furred, grub and vermin consuming mammal, no the danger afoot has far more critical than critter’d consequence, well I guess that’s an inadvertent fib, as it would be quite a misfortune to be transfigured in to into such grub and tree type.    No! look at this wretched buffoon’s stupefied glance and use, for fearful thought that you could well be sporting, the same to curb both, your periods of time expended connected to Tinterweb activities and cautious and discerning choice of said.

Well upon said sight I was the victim of vex and demanded “What on Gods good Earth has happened my friend, have you been the recipient chump of a rascally bombardment or un-fortuitous incident? why you bear the stupefied result of an unwitting shock”
 
But no response was forthcoming other than what you evidence above.

So I shook him but to no avail, therefore did, and only for restitutory and medicinal purpose, smite his stupefied smile with the back of my hand, why I slapped him so hard I had to stop for fear a disfigurement might occur yes I had picture shoot next day and an unsightly hand display was an absolute no-no.

I decided to take stock of the state of affairs and a more than cursory glance showed no testament of such a tussle or ruff-about, in fact there was nothing untoward at all to be found.     I did note however his trance like stance was affixed firmly on screen of his Tinterweb tool and so did shout    hah hah! Why I’m such a dunce I should have realised instantaneously, tis the cursed Tinterweb that’s brought about your plight, you’ve partaken in a prolific peruse of potentially pernicious provisions. 

"Yes! I would hazard a guess you thought a daily live feed was a gratuitous festival of fast feral food yes you have partaken in a video vigil of vermin violation, a fest of your tpes running amok and ravaging rodents, why tis abominable … but wait!  there are no rivulets of drool so tis not such a fodder fest that’s arrested your senses"

"Why! you have spent an unfeasible fiscal amount on a shopping site, perhaps been involved even, in an auction combat of fatiguing and will sapping, but highly bargainable therefore excusable, source.  yours, admittedly gullible truly, has often, why! only recently succumbed to such quest, which I won, for a decorative piece of ornamental type depicting a handsome pair of forcibly filled frogs partaking in a wagering game consisting of rectangular and dotted gaming pieces on a rather sturdy but still attractive mount".  Why?  I hear you question dear reader, need you ask! I am a maverick, I do as I will, and give no explanation for any action so lets divert from my habitual characteristics.  As for my dulled dunderheaded dude I’ve no doubt he harbours a piece of utility, and visually presentable, furniture stocked to capacity with messiah riddled snacks, and highly irregular and rather saucy vegetables, saucy in form not viscosity of tasty and complinetary edible nature and I sincerely hope no appalling purchase of any bodily bits.

Well still no response.

"Have you been wagering on a bingo binge, all that addictive and occasionaly beneficially booty bringing with its  clickety-click -66, an infirm and unfortunate centipede legs-11 malarkey yes tis the ruination of fools, I know I am ruined at least thrice weekly in a wave of uncontrollable wagering, why I’ll bet you, look, see, its addictive I must stop and find a more wholesome pastime why tis a blight that thrusts me into melancholy if I do and melancholy if I don’t, I can just  visualise 22 two little ducks, 77 sunset strip, why that’s it, you embarked on a fest of fifties-sixties super sleuths and super styled laydees why! the show was packed to brimming with both, yes I’ll endorse your participation in this for your own wellbeing, tis far more wholesome than all that wagering such a merry and memorable fest,   Why! that cookie chap, king of the combed coif with his verbal trickery", “I’m clocking up the zeds dad”  "why you could do with clocking some up my friend look your opticals are astoundingly agog, but not taking in evidence of your surrounds, yes you need rest my friend, but that cookie, yes a cool, though kinda cheesy, cat, and that Roscoe type there’s a character, always on the gamble, why! look there again, I’m inexplicably drawn back to wagering, tis inescapable, Why I fear I’m an unwitting channel for that bounder Bilko for his greedy gambling gains". 

Well there was a bit of babble from my buddy and he clutched his chest and well I sprang to call for emergency aid but no, he sported an air of utter content so there was no imminent need for respiratory or resuscitatory
relief. 

No!, but he slowly did regain his sense and it transpired twas nothing more than a successful subscription for a find a friend at rightcanofworms.com and his dumbstruck state is non less than no- longer-lovelorn look at his online conjoining for congenial, potentially amorous, consorting well your, always ready to impart techniques in the art of woo,truly did settle down to relate the works of the master.