Good Day my fine friends, today’s picture yet again tells a harrowing tale of another one of my once-luminary entertainer pet friends gone to seed and almost literally as he had apparently taken root on his lavish pouf from which I was, from a reliable source, informed he did not venture other than for the most basic necessity and he appeared to be practising all other day to day functions from this very spot attended to by his significant and clearly long-suffering other pandering to his, in sloth type needs.

So yet another of my friends had fallen foul of the renaissance moggy movement which was awash the internet with any media of feline feature diverting limelight from true artisans.

Well I had decided to inflict my good-self on my old cat chum and was greeted enthusiastically by his significant other and told to go through to the lounge and make myself comfortable hence I had been impatiently perched in anticipatory state for 15 minutes awaiting my feline friends manifestation when it transpired, through an inadvertent lack of flatulent control whilst in a slumbered state, that he was actually sat next to me in his, definitely not finest or renowned but apparently now permanent roll of, couch potato role and due to his now almost unrecognisable form being of such volume and unruly lack lustre tresses I had assumed he was a rather decorative piece of perhaps designer upholstery accessory in the form of a trendy cushion of faux fur type.

Well yours truly’s flabber was gasted beyond belief and I informed my pet pal of the fact I had that I had assumed he was such a sumptuous and stylish piece of upholstery enhancement and he had been moments away from either being pummelled senseless to release my pent up fury at having been left waiting or being hugged in a manner that whilst entirely appropriate for such a lounge accessory could have resulted in either a bout of fisticuffs from an envy riddled pet partner or litigation for inappropriate advances upon his person.

Thankfully we both saw the potentially jocular and totally innocent side of the situation  but I could not refrain from stating “What on Gods good Girth, errm sorry, fraudian slip, I meant Earth, has happened to you? I see you have taken to seeking comfort from intoxicating beverages”

“Like the proverbial duck to water LemMe”

“It was a caustic not a complimentary comment my friend”

"It stung LemMe, yes it stung but my preferred prone position does not lend me the length to bat you about your barmy bonce as I might enjoy and it might cause me to lose a considerable chunk of my donut treat that I might not retrieve without threat of exertion"

“What has happened to you, why I remember the days when you graced the screen with your lithe and lovely physique now your just a tasty treat away from of exploding”

“Yes with a raging fury LemMe, if, by the time I finish this donut my three cheese, four meat, thick crust, pizza meal combo treat has not been delivered to my snug and cosy sanctum“.

“Why I remember when you were upwardly mobile, but goodness gracious me for this past 35 minutes you’ve barely been mobile apart from the habitual scooping up of onto the harbour of your fodder riddled chest any wayward and luscious crumbs that are in a gravitational freefall to the floor, You’re digging your very own grave with your teeth old chap"

"Well LemMe, you old portender of doom and gloom, according to you I’ll need to be excavating such an earthy abode of gargantuan proprtion and without delay so if you could make haste and hop to the fridge and fetch me a pie with a crusty case on which to both sharpen my dental digging implements and expediate the impeding fatal situation whilst I await my pizza to finish me off in a willingly succumbed-to state"

“I fear you have gone into such a declined plight that the only redeeming character assessment I can muster to say about you is that you did not roll me over and relive me of my fiscal possessions in order to fund your gluttonous habit but I firmly believe that could well be that due to your almost immobilised state you not had the energy to do so therefore I shall keep a tight clutch of my said monetary assets in case you decide to take advantage of any surging energy bout due to a blood sugar rush when your triple-deckered-potential-triple-by-pass-pizza  arrives,  nay! actually my friend I fear I must before depart lest your attitude of gloom does saturate my self but might I enquire would you find it over-familiar of me to forage about your chesty region for fodder droppings as I have need myself of a little sustenance