OH! it took a great mustering of my inner calm, to maintain a serenity state when I chanced upon this image from my memory album, why I had to count to ten 3 whole times on sight of said pic, during this period there was I with my great big charitable heart bestowing employment on this `OOOOH I'm so cute but still out of entertainment work kitty-kat', yes despite repetitive and shameful attempts to court media coverage with petit coquettes, seemingly unfeasible and overly exposing pirouettes and practised batting of oversized limpid yet strangely hypnotic optical organs this little pet having no semblance of any other talent had had no entertainment work for an embarrassing periodic lapse of time. I, feeling empathy for a destitute fellow artisan of methodic dramatics, felt duty bound to provided a means of earning a respectable crust, (correction) scale of fish.
Yes of course one of his temporary duties as minion to my Star was to port cumbersome vessels of various fill, but was purely that he might maintain a honed physique and mental state through such physical activity to accompany his perpetual hope therefore combining to ensure a state of readiness for a glossy career revival should an illusive call for his pet formance happen of a sudden.
Of course! I also considered it a reasonable expectation that I received a bodily fluff buff each day to soothe away my entertainment stresses, but what kitty does not itself derive enjoyment from a brief friction fest as he wends his way about ones person, Why most would consider it a perk to catch even a fleeting glimpse of yours, exceptionally talented, successfully famous, incredibly handsome, truly, let alone be allowed to partake in a tangible moment.
For all expected loyalties I eased his griping innards with two sardines a day, provided a snug and blanketed corner, reasonably regular catnip, and a daily covering over of contained kitty litter, refreshed fully every Sabbath, what more could one reasonably expect, why the cost to my good self was more than would support an entire, sadly commonly exploited, Eastern family, yet this considerable bounty was spent in its entirety on one fellow feline.
After the photographic artist had masterly captured this, not just mere image of dupery, oohhhh! no! I boldly declare it akin to a crime scene there is so much fraudulent misreprentation afoot, well to continue after said event I directed a few, yes admittedly harsh home truths, but of perfectly reasonable expectation, I informed this mini manipulator that since time immemorial his kind had plied their successful art of egotistical, freeloading, feline, guile. Well before I could utter further truths I found I had a, hissing, spitting, clawing, ginger furred assassin, for a while I feared permanently, affixed to my person, I thrashed, threshed, flailed but to no avail his tiny talons were embedded like a disastrous Velcro-ed dress / newly clad panty hose incident. After what seemed an eternity and a realm of fishy and other catlike bribes from my by now, not quite so, good self, the ginger grudge released his evil hold,
I the blood stained survivor slowly hobbled off in search of lubricant salves and rapid acting pain remedy.
Suffice to say though I have no longer maintain contact with feline fraud I harbour no doubts that with this clear and indisputable evidence of dupery conveyed through the medium of mime the agents at performingpetsforyou.com will be ringing his no doubt tinnitus filled ears to off.